Writing Zazen

Monday, 13 August 2007

Silence and Waiting

Filed under: Warrior Woman Says — Silent Warrior @ 7:15 pm

Monday 13Aug07 7:54pm

It’s hard sometimes to sit through the silence. That period when the writing isn’t coming the way it should be and you need to take a break from it. How do you differentiate between laziness and lack of motivation and the writers silence of stuff percolating inside before it explodes out onto the page?

I’ve been writing. I write pretty much everyday. But I’ve felt stopped with my novel. I haven’t been able to tell if it was just me feeling lazy or if I actually needed to let things sit in my mind before it all came out the way it was supposed to.

A few days ago I wrote on my other blogs about the feeling that I needed to hibernate and how it’s hit me so early in the year. It usually falls in line with the cold weather. I wrote about how definite ideas are coming clear to me. Like I have to give up watching television and I need to give myself permission to be less sociable without guilt. I said that I felt that I’m at the edge, where I have to ask myself what am I willing to give up in order to realize my dreams.

I promised myself that I would sit down for the new moon (yesterday) and write up the next set of things that I needed to focus on, write up the distractions I needed to sweep out of my life. I needed to make changes once again. That cycle always comes up, the need to make changes.

I set up the piles of books around my apartment that I want to have close by because I knew that when the time came, I’d be grabbing at them. I got home from work today and didn’t turn on the television and I didn’t get distracted with all the little things that normally bog me down. I sat at my desk and I wrote with the goal to just cleanse my mind and from there wrote a memory for one of my novel characters and didn’t stop until I easily hit my 1000 words. I wrote up the continuing line that will run through all three novels. Two months ago, I wrote the questions that the two main characters will attempt to answer throughout the novels. Between that and tonight’s writings, I feel ready to go back over the chapters and rewrite them and shape them with the questions in mind and the continuing line running through them.

And when I was done my thousand words, I pulled out more paper to have my writing conversation with my alter ego, Warrior Woman. She reminded me that when I take the pressure off and make my writing more about play and writing for the sake of writing, I relax enough to get at what it is I want to say. “When you play and make it fun and keep going forward you see how quickly you can fill up the pages with words. How quickly the ideas come together, how time has no meaning.”

She repeated what I’ve been saying to myself lately, “change your thoughts, change your mind.” Which is the title of Wayne Dyer’s latest book, a book I want to get, and something he’s been saying for at least his last couple books.

And she reminded me that every day is a step forward.

I picked up The Power of Intention off one of my piles of books to start over again and in the preface came across this perfectly appropriate quote:
“Anything we can conceive of in our minds — while staying in harmony with the universal all-creating source — can and must come to pass.”

SW

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Life is magic

Filed under: Warrior Woman Says — Silent Warrior @ 3:01 am

Warrior Woman says your life is filled with magic and miracles. You just need to keep your eyes open for them. You stopped today and took the moment to be blessed with your piece of magic. That angel is a token of magic.

Meditate on your magic and bring yourself closer to it. Meditate and get closer to your higher self and what she has to tell you. She is waiting for you to listen. She is waiting for you to listen to your heart.

SW

Angel at my feet

Filed under: Daily Practice,Inspiration,Warrior Woman Says — Silent Warrior @ 2:58 am

I conked out at 6:30pm last night and slept right through to 2:30am. I honestly thought I’d sleep for a couple hours and then get up and write. Fooled me. The only reason why I woke up was because my downstairs neighbours were banging a hammer or something. I figure their downstairs neighbours were making noise and they were banging their disapproval. Considered going down stairs to bang on their heads but thought better of it. Who needs a fight at 2 o’clock in the morning.

It’s peaceful now. Just a nice hum. The cats all sleep on their separate perches. The tap is dripping. That’s the extent of the noises at this time. I get the odd whiff of Orange scented pinesol of which I mopped the floors with on Sunday.

Lolo made it safely to Korea and is stoked about her new apartment. Front loading washing machine… I’m jealous.

Was in a mood for most of Monday. Announced to a contractor, “I’m not feeling very patient today, so you need to get to the point.” Ado laughed and said he felt sorry for whoever made the mistake of crossing my path.

I don’t know what it was that made me so moody. My thoughts got dark. I could understand why some people end their lives in suicide. The feeling that the problems never end and thinking, why bother? I used that energy for Rachel and wrote a small segment of White Wishes with Rachel feeling that sense of defeat with her alcoholic husband and her children that she had to care for no matter how tired she feels or defeated. It helped. There are days when you want to get back to the Source, when you know it’s up to you to feel connected but you just can’t.

I went up to the management office to drop off some stuff. As I came off the freight elevator I saw a glinty token on the floor. I kicked it and figured it was an insignia off a portfolio or something and kept going. When I came back it was still on the floor and I decided to pick it up. On it reads, “Always with you.” On the other side is an Angel.

Ohh! Talk about an immediate mood change. Source connected with me by dropping an angel at my feet. I forget that my life is magical. I forget that I have so many good things to focus on. I have many things to be grateful for: a job and coworkers I genuinely like, a place of my own that truly is my sanctuary, my three cats that make me giggle (Picasso was grooming me last night, rubbing her head against my scalp and then cleaning me), interests and hobbies, life long friends, good health, ideas, more than enough resources (books, music etc).

My buddy who got me into my bar mess called me yesterday morning at 8:30am asking, “You want to meet up on Wednesday?” So I have another outing this week. I figure he’s got news. I also figure I have to prepare myself for the combined teasing that he and Fredo will give me since they like to tag team against me. Bastards!

Today is the new moon. A perfect time to start a new project or a new job and get a new attitude.

Picasso is crying her squeaky cry at the door begging to go explore the hallway. Might as well let her out.
EY

Originally posted on my Writing2live blog.

Monday, 2 April 2007

Making Changes

Filed under: Warrior Woman Says — Silent Warrior @ 6:44 pm

Monday 7:19pm 2Apr07

I’ve been making changes. I’d been focused again on trying to have some kind of social life but that’s been a bit disappointing. It’s like the Universe keeps pushing me to sit down and write. The quote that runs through my mind is from Nelly Furtado, “when my friends were out going to parties every weekend, I was home working on my music.”

I think it has to be like that for me for a while anyway. My two girl friends that work in adjacent buildings to me are leaving their jobs for jobs that are in line with their goals. I feel a little like I’m being deserted. I’m certainly being left alone to my own devices, might as well get focused. After my breaking point of a very harsh week last week, I pulled out another personality to use. I’m pretending that I have a mirror twin housed within me who is tough and who pushes me to go farther than I normally would. I call her Warrior Woman.

I’ve added conversations in my journal between me and Warrior Woman.

Warrior Woman says, why be depressed? So you didn’t get what you wanted. It just means that something better is on its way. That, ‘you weren’t invited’ energy was a little shitty but it wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened. You can deal with it. Somethings are not meant to be. Maybe it will still happen but as it sits right now, you’ve got to let go.

Warrior Woman says, don’t feel bad for the effort you put in. At least you know how to go for what you want. You just need to take a time out.

Warrior Woman says, the time to take for yourself is now. Now to work on the debt. Now to work on independence. Now to work on working out and getting into the kind of shape you want to be in. Now to complete your novel in progress. You could get Book 1 done easily by July 1st with using the time wisely, with harnessing your energy. Might as well learn how to do all that now. You’ve got the time.

Remember that different people work at different speeds. Just because you are ready now doesn’t mean that others are equally as ready to walk a combined path with you. Some of the path you make have to walk alone. But you are never alone. Some people will walk a few blocks with you and then leave, others will walk miles with you. Don’t waste your time on the fantasy, nothing ever turns out the way you expect. You get what you don’t expect.

You can be hurt by stubbornly wanting one option or just frustrated by the time you feel you’ve wasted. Watch others interest level. If it doesn’t match yours then move on. Keep a space open for the people who match your interest level. If you keep hitting the same brick wall that’s a message to you that something doesn’t fit.

Move on and get focused and don’t let the dumbasses distract you. There are places you want to be come July. So why not focus on that. Sometimes the only thing you can depend on is your plan. It’s not always going to be that way it just happens to be that way today. Let tomorrow deal with tomorrow. The more you focus on the frustrations of life, the more frustrations you’ll have to focus on. Keep working on yourself because you are the only person you can change. Let go of being embarrassed by what you have or don’t have. Let go of feeling self-conscious. Be who you are with honesty and they will respect you or they won’t. You can’t change that and you’ll feel healthier for it.

That’s pretty much all that Warrior Woman had to say to me.

SW

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