Writing Zazen

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Cycles and Patterns – The Cycles of Years

Filed under: Daily Practice — Shelley-Lynne Domingue @ 7:15 pm
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It was last year that  Christine Delorey (creativenumerology.com) mentioned going over my previous personal years and writing down all the events I could remember. I took her advice as just, “Oh that’ll be fun and interesting,” not realizing how informative it would really be. I went back into the 1990’s and made notes. This year I’ve been going back further, all the way to my birth. And by the way, if you were ever considering writing your memoirs, this will be a perfect undertaking.

This year, I’m in a personal 9 Year. I’ve taken her advice a step further and I cut and pasted all my previous 9 years into this year’s notes to see at a quick glance what I can learn from the past that will help me today.
Early on, I seemed to sense what the themes would be or maybe what my focus would be for this year. This year for me, is about clearing out the past – and as I’ve discovered through looking at my previous 9 years – Trusting in the Universe.

In looking back at my previous 9 years, I kept it simple. I asked, What have I done in previous 9 years and I listed all that I can remember.  

In previous 9 years, I have had major changes that were originally painful but I was happy with the change in the end. I’ve dated disappointing men  – a theme of them who all virtually said the same thing either in actual words or with actions (in 1985, 1994, and 2003!)and they all showed up when I was at my happiest (when I felt good about myself) and they wiped it out! When they were done I’d  lost some of my light and it felt like a struggle to get it back.

In 2003 My new male theme was to meet men who were taken but only said so after I started to show interest in them after they’d been trying to get my attention. I’ve met at least one per year (every year) since then.

 I realized a lifelong goal in one 9 year (1994).

I had a note in my personal manual that says “Remember 2003 when I left my job and trusted that the money would appear and it did!”

I’ve left major jobs that everyone said I was crazy for leaving (1994, 2003). In 2003, not only did I leave a major job that everyone said I was crazy for leaving but I decided not to look for work. I decided that for once in my life, I was going to Trust the Universe without fear, that the universe would provide for me. And it did. I was out of work most of the year, I lived off my savings, worked one shift a week at my part-time job, and I took a course that was $2500, (a lot of money when you don’t have a job!), and other money appeared. And when I thought that I would need to work soon because I was going to need money for rent, my old boss called me and said, “Hey, you want to come back for a 1 year contract?” I was working a week later. That information is so important for me to know. To help me to relax, because I forgot about that time in the new cycle of personal years running from personal year 1 to this year, my personal year 9.

Teaching in my 9 year what I learned in my previous 9 years:

Also I’ve been telling friends this. Artists who have spoken to me about their sadness for a good thing ending (a great show with great cast and relationships or a full-time music playing gig coming to an end) I’ve told them, ‘You created this good so create more of it.”

A friend who has been looking for an apartment and was in the stressful zone, I said, “write down the qualities of what you want  in your  new apartment and let the Universe take care of it.” Last report, she told me that her current landlord has given her more time to look for a new place and the places she has been looking at have been more within her interest and what she can afford.

Another friend I was telling about paying off my credit card and how I wrote down as a goal that I would pay it off by June 2012. That I had no way of knowing how it would be paid but just to trust that the Universe would help me, guide me to getting it paid. And it was paid before June 2012.

In 2003, I started that cycle of trust but somewhere along the line I lost my way. That’s why I have a document that I call my Manual of Me where I keep track of stuff. It’s so easy to get off track, to get distracted.

Trust in The Universe
In this personal 9 year, I want to go back to living in that Trust that continues on in each new personal year and not just in Personal 9 years. That is my new goal, I know it works.
EY

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My Personal 8 Year

Filed under: Daily Practice,Inspiration — Shelley-Lynne Domingue @ 6:53 pm

I went through 4 years of complete hell. The more time spent in hell the more I turned to Christine DeLorey’s  wisdom. Creative Numerology . Finally at the end of my personal 7 year in 2010 which brought me to my knees, I decided to purchase Christine’s personal year book for my personal 8 year which would be in 2011. Mostly because my personal 8 year was going to move me in a positive direction. One of the things Christine had mentioned to me personally in our Facebook communications was that if I faced down the demons of my 7 year, my personal 8 year would clear out most of the junk and dirt. I had to be brave. The personal 8 year would be more of a solitary year but with a difference.

In 2011, my personal 8 year, I found that it took me a few months, probably three, to shake off the stench of the previous year and the fear of the previous four years. It was interesting, I entered 2011 with the attitude of, “If I have to fight for my rights, my voice, my value, I will burn everything down in my path.”  but I also had the trepidation that “more of the same” might be my destiny. You know how when you first get off a motorcycle your legs are still vibrating? Well my everything was still vibrating. I was focused on climbing out of the shit pile but that shit smell was still following me a little.

I’m big on themes and titles and at some point I called 2011 “Solitary with a Purpose.” By the end of 2010 (my 7 year) I declared that the push and pull and abuse of the year was all orchestrated to make me say it… I wasn’t going to be a door mat for anyone anymore. I would try to be nice about it first but since the previous hell years proved time and again that that not every one could hear nice, I’d have to make the decision to speak up for myself in all incidences. ‘It doesn’t matter, things will happen the way they happen, speak up for yourself!’ I promised myself that I would yell it until they heard me. And if certain people still couldn’t hear that, then they had to go. No looking back. I’m done with you, cross the street if you see me. ha-ha!

At some point within 2011, I realized that the Solitary with a purpose theme was to enable me to hear my  voice and dream my answers. I’m not big on unsolicited advice because it blocks out my voice and when my voice is blocked I don’t remember the dreams I have at night that actually provide me with the answers that I need.

I started keeping notes of any event that felt pertinent. And now as i look back they will provide me with info for years to come.

In January, I made a decision about a person I had an acrimonious relationship with that not only would I get my act together (Make a plan) but I would move on when I said so (my decision, not his). I wasn’t going to simply run away.

In February, I was ‘walking in anger’ as I called it in my notes. I was confrontational and I was calling it as I saw it. Yes a few people were left in tears, it was a process that was needed. The pendulum swings to extremes before it comes to the middle.

In April, during the Easter Long weekend, I had what I call a Spiritual Awakening that included a complete emotional breakdown/ release. I love the timing of life sometimes. Right on time! The Thursday before Good Friday I watched You Tube videos of elephants specifically a series on Shirley and Jenny. (We can watch TV and be on the computer at my part-time job.) By the time my co-worker came to give me my break, I was brimming with emotion. I tried to tell her about those videos and all that they were teaching me but instead I went into these uncontrollable sobs. The best part of it all was I kept trying to stop the sobbing and I kept trying to talk.

What a scary mess of an ugly crying emotional tornado. The poor kid, she was 19 years old, so adorable and innocent looking AND her name means innocent! She’s watching me meltdown like the wicked witch of the west being doused with water. I kept begging myself to walk away and stop talking so I could get my composure but I had no control over any of it. I couldn’t stop sobbing, I couldn’t stop talking, I couldn’t stop any of it. I finally went to the washroom to clean up the evidence of the ugly crazy cry and then I went outside. I went around the corner so if anyone else who came out on their break they wouldn’t see me or talk to me because I knew that I would lose it again.

I’m standing outside and I look up at the sky and there are these clouds. The shape of the clouds? Six elephant heads looking down at  me like a cameo you wear on a necklace. Mother elephants. I started to cry softly and said to the Universe, to God, to All That Is, ‘tell me what you want me to do. I’ll do whatever you tell me.’
I felt the message, “Forgive and move into your light.”
You know that voice inside that whispers only once? It was that voice.
I nodded my head.

Apologizing to my innocent co-worker yet again when I went back, she told me a story of her own crazy cry that she had in front of all of her co-workers and a customer. I held my hand up to my mouth, my eyes wide and whispered “No!”
She says, “yeah, we’re women, we cry!” Wise words from the innocent!

As you may have guessed there were elephants in my dreams that night and when I woke the next morning, my morning pages were filled with what it meant to me to step back into my light. And how I need to forgive myself as much as the other people and situations that I need to forgive. I finished the morning pages in time to watch the only morning show that I watched then, Unscripted. It’s an interview show that only shows the person answering the questions. The person on Good Friday was actress, Dee Wallace of Steven Spielberg’s ET movie fame. Unscripted Dee Wallace

So here I am listening to Dee Wallace reiterating what I just  wrote in my morning pages and she gives me a better affirmation, “I want to Feel good,” which became my guiding light from there on. Instead of speaking up in anger to people, I was telling them, “You’re a worth while human being and you deserve honesty. I want to feel good so I cannot have you in my life anymore. “ Imaginez – Vous? As my mother used to say.

I could have used all of the accusations and said screw off but instead I truly felt the gift in forgiving the past and moving on in a way that we could both feel good about. I want to feel good so I won’t be mean to you. And I want to feel good so I’m cutting you free from my life and me free from yours.

Elephants! I could re-hash all the reasons why I’m moving on, but it doesn’t matter, what will make me feel good is moving forward. I wish you the best and I hope that you too can find what makes you feel good.  I also bought Dee Wallace’s book Bright Light, simply because I couldn’t’ get my hands on Conscious Creation. Having since read both books, I actually prefer Bright Light.

In July I had the only major angry out burst of the year. In my notes, I call it an Emotional Detox. It was with the person I’d had the acrimonious relationship with for the past few years. In retrospect, I think he needed to see me reach my limit.

Four days later, when we had an opportunity to talk with calmer heads (my calmer head, he never lost it), we had a heart to heart that transformed our relationship. We had a heart to heart where I fully understood what he was going through and my compassion was ignited. We had a heart to heart and everything that went before was forgiven and absolved.

In my personal 8 year, I learned that miracles happen. That I don’t always have to walk away which has been my M.O. throughout my life. That I can feel good and let go of people who I’ve outgrown. And when I’ve tried every angle, I can lose my cool and transform everything.

EY

The Women I Follow

Your Personal Year

I’ve been chatting with friends lately about knowing your personal year and getting in depth with looking at your patterns in life.  I’m completely fascinated with cycles and patterns in life.

I’ve always called my bouts with depression cycles of downtime that are healthy when they are simply a month and problematic when they last over a year. Knowing my personal year and then ultimately looking over years of personal years has helped me to see patterns, cycles and themes in my life.

I’ve been following Christine Delorey’s work since at least 2006. On her websites she provides so much free information like your personal year forecast, plus monthly and weekly ones as well. Check her out, read her work and once you see how accurate her work is, buy her work.  That’s how I end up supporting people, by the way. It’s through a person’s free work that ultimately enables me to trust and then happily pay for all that they’ve given. I trust Christine, she has helped me to discover so much.

Truly if you want to gain powerful insights into yourself and your life, run over to her website and find out what your numbers are.

I follow other women: Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone and Guru Rattana’s New Millennium Being. Susan Miller’s monthly forecast is best for me to know specific transits, like the new moon, full moon etc. Guru Rattana helped me to look at the signs we are in, we’re currently in Gemini, and create a focus pertaining to that signs qualities. Plus she got me interested in Kundalini Yoga as a practice that fits more with my personality.

I’ve always believed that yoga had a spiritual focus which included meditation, and chanting as well as the physical aspect. Kundalini Yoga fits with my belief.

Like my relationships, I don’t jump into anything quickly. I’ve read all of the women for years before I purchased their product and when I did, I felt I had no choice because I believed in their work. I purchased Christine’s book Life Cycles several years ago and I continue to purchase it as gifts or at the least recommend it as a “must buy.”

Christine DeLorey’s – Creative Numerology WordPress
Christine DeLorey’s – Creative Numerology.com
Susan Miller’s – Astrology Zone
Guru Rattana’s – New Millennium

EY

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Drunk on writing – Ray Bradbury

Filed under: Daily Practice,Inspiration — Shelley-Lynne Domingue @ 4:45 pm
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Ray Bradbury passed away today at 91 years old. He has always provided me with the best writing inspiration. His ideas have always felt like that element of play or better yet, that child who never grows up and continues to access that part of the mind that is spontaneous, and fun and ready to explore. Here are some quotes of his that have inspired me over the years:

“I don’t think I know what writers block is. I never had it. My typewriter goes everywhere I go. I get up at 3am everyday, head for the keyboard, laugh a lot, then go to bed. It takes him 2 hours to write a poem, half a day to finish a short story, 9 days for a full – scale novel.
His secret?
Let your subconscious take over, keep your intellect out of the  way. Be passionate about what you’re doing. When you start a love affair, the last thing you want to be is critical right? Don’t look back just write. Go and write.
EY notes – Too funny, lately in my journal,  I’ve been writing about love affairs and infatuation related to writing. You know the beginning butterflies of a new relationship and how you can survive on hardly any sleep? I’ve been trying to translate that into my writing practice. Make it like a new relationship where I’m optimistic about the new person, where everything looks great in the world, every song seems like a love song.

More Ray Bradbury:
WRITING:

All that stuff that’s collected up in my head — poetry and mythology and comic strips and science fiction magazines — comes out in my stories. So you get to a certain age and you’re like a pomegranate, you just burst. And the ideas spill out.

My stories run up and bite me in the leg — I respond by writing down everything that goes on during the bite. When I finish, the idea lets go and runs off.

And what, you ask, does writing teach us?

First and foremost, it reminds us that we are alive and that it is gift and a privilege, not a right. We must earn life once it has been awarded us. Life asks for rewards back because it has favored us with animation.
So while our art cannot, as we wish it could, save us from wars, privation, envy, greed, old age, or death, it can revitalize us amidst it all. (From the preface to Zen in the Art of Writing)

If you can’t read and write you can’t think. Your thoughts are dispersed if you don’t know how to read and write. You’ve got to be able to look at your thoughts on paper and discover what a fool you were. (Salon.com, August 29, 2001)
On Ideas –  “They come from inside, for their own reasons. I wake up every morning and there’s a new one there and it says, ‘I’m next! Write me!’ So I write it. I never know what I’m going to write from day to day.”

“Write about what interests you. Write and read every day. Keep the juices flowing. If you write what you love, you never have a dry spell.”

“The people who have mental blocks are the people who do things they shouldn’t be doing. The people who take screenplays they shouldn’t write or books they shouldn’t write – they’re going to wind up with dry spells, because their subconscious says, ‘I’m going to cut off the water works!”

“There’s an Egyptian myth I heard about years ago that when you die as an Egyptian and you go off to visit the gods the first question asked of you at the gates of heaven is ‘Did you have enthusiasm?’ And if you answer negatively you don’t get in.

Optimal behavior – I ask of you and others optimal behavior, and if you behave every day, and get your work done, and do it with love, at the end of a day, a week, a month, a year, whatever, you have a feeling of optimism — because you have done your work. If you don’t do your work , you get depressed and you’re pessimistic. There are the two opposites right there.

“I have an ant farm in my head. Metaphors and ideas crawling all over each other.”
When a book really needs to be written. It’s urgent, like literary appendicitis. In writing, you operate on yourself and save yourself.

“I’m not in charge. My subconscious does all the work. When it’s ready to do something it does it. I don’t think about these things — they just happen automatically. Time passes, sometimes you finish things quicker — in a week or a month, sometimes it’s two or three years.”
There’s a time between waking up and being fully awake when your mind is relaxed and things come to you and you are surprised by them and you jump out of bed and run and write them down.

I’m very unusual in that I write a series of short stories, and then very late on in time, discover I’ve written a book.

I think we’re all born to become ourselves and our job in life is to find out just who in hell we are, because we don’t always know that immediately. Over a period of time you experiment and try and find out where your true self lies.

Ray Bradbury

Over the past five decades, Bradbury has managed to create a tremendous amount of work in several genres, including short stories, plays, novels, film scripts, poems, children’s books, and nonfiction. He attributes this prolific production to a consistent daily writing routine. He also utilizes a spontaneous writing technique similar to the automatic writing of the surrealists.

If you stuff yourself full of poems, essays, plays, stories, novels, films, comic strips, magazines, music, you automatically explode every morning like Old Faithful. I have never had a dry spell in my life, mainly because I feed myself well, to the point of bursting. I wake early and hear my morning voices leaping around in my head like jumping beans. I get out of bed quickly, to trap them before they escape.”—Ray Bradbury

The Ray Bradbury Routine – 1000 words a day – “Everyday for 2 hours, I begin a new short story, sometimes finishing  it, or write an essay or poem. This routine has continued for sixty five years.”
1 – Write Daily – if you don’t write daily, what would happen is that the world would catch up with  and try to sicken you. If you did not write everyday, the poisons would accumulate and you would begin to die, or act crazy, or both.
2 – Gently lie and prove the lie true …everything is finally a promise… what seems a lie is a ramshackle need, wishing to be born…
3 – Formula – Find a character, like yourself, who will want something or not want something, with all her heart. Give her running orders. Shoot her off. Then follow as fast as you can go. The character, in her great love, or hate, will rush you through to the end of the story.”
4 – Write quick. In quickness is truth. The faster you blurt, the more swiftly you write, the more honest you are. In hesitation is thought. In delay comes the effort for a style, instead of leaping upon truth which is the only style worth dead falling or tiger-trapping
5 – Write at least thousand words a day everyday; discover the treats and tricks that come with word association; put down brief notes and descriptions of loves and hates.

6 – make lists of titles, put down long lists of nouns. Run through those lists, pick a noun and then sit down to write a long prose poem-essay-story on it.

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ~Ray Bradbury
EY Notes – That is my favourite quote. I remember when I used to work  at a Department Store back in the day. Any one who works in customer service knows that working with the general public can be trying. People can be rude, demanding, exhausting. It can be easy to start your day in a great mood and have someone wipe it right out. I learned how to stay away from giving up my energy or my good moods by keeping my focus on what I was going to write when I got home from work. A customer could be rude and I could just let it slide off my shoulders without a care because I would always bring my focus back to my writing. Even with friends then, I never got involved with the jealousies. If I was left out of an invitation I shrugged my shoulders and kept my focus on my writing. That to me is being drunk on writing. I used to have a saying then that I kept in mind, “If I notice what everybody else is doing, I’ve taken my eyes off the goal.” If there was ever a great goal for me to have again, it’s to go back to being drunk on writing. 😉

EY

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