Writing Zazen

Monday, 2 April 2007

Making Changes

Filed under: Warrior Woman Says — Silent Warrior @ 6:44 pm

Monday 7:19pm 2Apr07

I’ve been making changes. I’d been focused again on trying to have some kind of social life but that’s been a bit disappointing. It’s like the Universe keeps pushing me to sit down and write. The quote that runs through my mind is from Nelly Furtado, “when my friends were out going to parties every weekend, I was home working on my music.”

I think it has to be like that for me for a while anyway. My two girl friends that work in adjacent buildings to me are leaving their jobs for jobs that are in line with their goals. I feel a little like I’m being deserted. I’m certainly being left alone to my own devices, might as well get focused. After my breaking point of a very harsh week last week, I pulled out another personality to use. I’m pretending that I have a mirror twin housed within me who is tough and who pushes me to go farther than I normally would. I call her Warrior Woman.

I’ve added conversations in my journal between me and Warrior Woman.

Warrior Woman says, why be depressed? So you didn’t get what you wanted. It just means that something better is on its way. That, ‘you weren’t invited’ energy was a little shitty but it wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened. You can deal with it. Somethings are not meant to be. Maybe it will still happen but as it sits right now, you’ve got to let go.

Warrior Woman says, don’t feel bad for the effort you put in. At least you know how to go for what you want. You just need to take a time out.

Warrior Woman says, the time to take for yourself is now. Now to work on the debt. Now to work on independence. Now to work on working out and getting into the kind of shape you want to be in. Now to complete your novel in progress. You could get Book 1 done easily by July 1st with using the time wisely, with harnessing your energy. Might as well learn how to do all that now. You’ve got the time.

Remember that different people work at different speeds. Just because you are ready now doesn’t mean that others are equally as ready to walk a combined path with you. Some of the path you make have to walk alone. But you are never alone. Some people will walk a few blocks with you and then leave, others will walk miles with you. Don’t waste your time on the fantasy, nothing ever turns out the way you expect. You get what you don’t expect.

You can be hurt by stubbornly wanting one option or just frustrated by the time you feel you’ve wasted. Watch others interest level. If it doesn’t match yours then move on. Keep a space open for the people who match your interest level. If you keep hitting the same brick wall that’s a message to you that something doesn’t fit.

Move on and get focused and don’t let the dumbasses distract you. There are places you want to be come July. So why not focus on that. Sometimes the only thing you can depend on is your plan. It’s not always going to be that way it just happens to be that way today. Let tomorrow deal with tomorrow. The more you focus on the frustrations of life, the more frustrations you’ll have to focus on. Keep working on yourself because you are the only person you can change. Let go of being embarrassed by what you have or don’t have. Let go of feeling self-conscious. Be who you are with honesty and they will respect you or they won’t. You can’t change that and you’ll feel healthier for it.

That’s pretty much all that Warrior Woman had to say to me.

SW

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