Writing Zazen

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

Love?

Filed under: Daily Practice,Writing Zazen - Love — Silent Warrior @ 5:25 am

In One Continuous Mistake, Gail Sher suggests an exercise , Writing Zazen (yeah I stole the title) : Write on the same subject every day for two weeks. Revisiting the same subject day after day will force you to exhaust stale, inauthentic, spurious thought patterns and dare you to enter places of subtler, more “fringe” knowing.

I admit that I’m a bit scared of love. I don’t know if I’m more scared of not having what I want or of having what I want. Can Love really ever live up to my expectations?

Am I holding myself back based on past experiences? How do I move forward with the naivete of The Fool (of the Tarot) enthusiastically starting out on her journey and still hold on to my past lessons without overwhelming myself? I have no clue. Just keep trying I guess and hope I hit on some formulation that works.

In my current life, I try not to look at the possibility of serious. I keep everything on the laughter route and figure that I’ll deal with every step when and if it comes into my view. When I’d decided a few months ago that I thought he was more than sexy, that I wanted to pursue this interest a little more and give him a clear clue of what I was feeling, I had a moment when I got overwhelmed with nervousness. In the midst of my internal tornado I slapped myself back in to calmness and reminded myself that I’d already developed a rapport with this person, why get nervous now? It helped. I’ve somehow managed to keep my nervousness in check and just enjoy the ride. Reminding myself that this may never turn into anything more than a heavy flirtation. This may turn into another long lasting friendship. We could disappear out of each others lives or it could step up to be that something.

The madness of being a writer is that I can look at a person and project a full fledged story on him, with me as his large love interest and set myself up for all kinds of emotional fuckery. I still have to work on that one but I have improved. For this fellow I’ve somehow managed to keep my thoughts on what has transpired with no eye on any possible future, any specific outcome. It’s kept me in good stead so far. That may be all that I can ask for. Today anyway.

SW

Advertisements

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: