Neglected

Monday 10:14pm
Now I’m sitting here and I’m just about ready for bed but I wanted to post something here. This blog is as neglected as I am. I wonder how people gain these false perceptions about me, where do they come from? What gives you the idea that you know me? How do you think that because I like to laugh that I live with no care of the opinion of others or better yet that I would exhibit behaviours that would say that I wasn’t raised right. Of all the people in this group I am the least likely to take advantage of the perks.
It’s sad to think that people still think like that about people like me. That if something goes missing it might be me who thieved it. It’s sad and disheartening.
But I keep on keeping on. My only choice. I view the people that surround me with a new perception, a new attitude. I decide that caution is my only choice for human interaction with these types anyway. I walk with the phrase, lest we forget, running like a ticker tape in the back of my mind. I know that this is the one time. At no other time will I stand accused.
I have a long memory and this isn’t something I’ll ever forget.
I got comfortable. I thought I was viewed as one of the other human beings but now I know different.

SW

White Wishes

Writertopia.com

It’s all over but the crying.

Monday 8:03pm 7Jan07

Now I’m sitting here and I feel good about my accomplishments for the day. I’ve made it to 2.5 hours of writing. Once I make it to my daily 3 hours, I’d like to push into tomorrow’s time. The more I do today, the closer I will get to my 21 hours a week goal. It’s as simple as that.

In the back of my mind, what I’m trying to ignore is the presence of beautiful eyes. I may have dropped the men in my life but they aren’t necessarily listening. I refuse to change my habits and avoid the places I go just because he’s there. Plus I hope that at some point he’ll regret his game playing confusion when he discovers how true a person of my word I am. Made up my mind, you can’t change it. Men love those dares. They love to push you to the edge just to see how much they have to do to change your mind. They just don’t understand that for me, there’s no turning back when I do make the decision of finality. Sucks to be him.

It’s a repeated cycle for me. I have a little interest and the guy gets stupid like he can’t deal with honest interest. Once I lose the interest, he thinks that he can win it back. It’s that male challenge that draws him in. The thrill of the chase. If there is any chasing to be done, I want it in the beginning. I want sure footed interest. I want a man that knows what he wants and knows that I am the one he wants.

If he’s not totally sure, I want him to treat me with friendly respect. What ultimately makes me change my mind is an incident that annoys me. It annoys me on a male/female level and then I tell myself, “Even as a friend, at the very least, he should have handled this better.” Then I acknowledge, “we couldn’t possibly be friends.” And for me it’s over. Because if you can’t even treat me as a friend, how will you treat me as a girlfriend? And that becomes my driving force.

“It’s all over but the crying,” as Jordan used to say.

It happened with R. He wanted to be honest, well, only after I mentioned an intuitive suspicion about his trip. He told me in his quest for full disclosure that he was going across the world to spend two weeks with an ex girlfriend. Ah ha! I said, “I’m not going to tell you what to do. We’re not an item, we haven’t even decided what we want to be to each other past the couple dates we’ve been on. But if you go on this trip there will never ever be a chance for us. I will not change my mind.”

He went. It’s been over ten years now. I haven’t changed my mind. And he’s tried. He’s pulled out every trick and borrowed some too. “I told you to choose and you chose. I hope it was worth the plane fare.”

And beautiful eyes begins his thrill of the chase not realizing that it’s too late, baby, it’s just too late. He dropped a hint that I picked up on and didn’t accept. He waited where he knows I leave and I deeked just behind him unnoticed. I’m not a chance for him to have anymore and maybe in a year or so, he’ll get it.

And in the meantime, I’ve made it to my 3 hours of writing. That’s all that matters

SW

30 Ways To Help You Write

This is the first experiment and my favorite writing exercise from the book “30 Ways To Help You Write” by Fran Weber Shaw, PH.D

Experiment 1: Write free-flow for the pleasure of now

“Now I’m Sitting Here”
1. Sit comfortably, perhaps outdoors. Write across the top of your pad: “NOW I’M SITTING HERE AND,” Put down your pad and pen. Read steps 2,3, and 4, and try them.

Relax, Head to Toe
2. Close your eyes, and allow the muscles of your face to relax. Move down your body, naming to yourself each part and suggesting it relax. It’s as if tensions can drain down and out your feet. (Don’t worry about how much you can relax — that’s not important.)

Listen
3. REALLY LISTEN to sounds from all directions, as if nothing else matters but hearing everything.

Write nonstop
4. Very slowly open your eyes. Pick up your pen and start “TALKING” nonstop on the page. When you don’t know what to say next, DESCRIBE sounds, smells, tastes, tactile sensations, and sights now. Keep your pen moving for two pages, and stop.

5. Read through, and underline highlights, anything you like, whatever strikes you. (To take it further, use he or she instead of I; or See “Shaping What Comes,” under the category Writing Zazen – 30 Ways.)

30 Ways – Shaping What Comes

Shaping What Comes from the book “30 Ways to Help You Write” by Fran Weber Shaw, PH.D

Your free-flow writings may become part of a story or essay, so keep them (as is) in your “writings” notebook. You’ll find you’ll accumulate a wealth of personal material which is your own natural resource. One woman, for example, “mined” her notebook and arranged seven short pieces as one “crisis” week in her character’s life. A businessman was able to use a whimsical bit about the Great Pumpkin as the opening anecdote for a speech. So keep writing for the fun of it — without criticizing what comes — and you’ll have something to work with when you need material.
If you’d like to take one or your writings and shape it into a paragraph or short essay, try this:

1. Choose a piece you really like, and read it over.

2. What did you realize from this experience? Sum up your MAIN IMPRESSION in a sentence and say it out loud as if telling a friend.

3. Compare that sentence with the first one already on the page. Which gives your point of view, your slant on this experience? Would a read want to hear more? Use that to lead off. If you don’t like either, ask an intriguing question.

4. Begin a new paragraph each time you bring in another idea, shift gears, or describe something happening suddenly.

5. Cross out in pencil any details or sentences which don’t have anything to do with the main impression you want to convey.

6. End with a sentence you sound sure of. Make your point about what you’ve discovered. Title this piece, and type it up.

If you’d like to begin a story, try this:

1. Name your main character

2. Cast your free-flow writing into the third person (use he or she), and see if it suggests a story. Now it’s your main character that’s sitting, or walking, or thinking about things, or noticing the surroundings.

3. Try to convey a particular mood by the way your character sees what’s around, by what she’s thinking. Cross out sentences which don’t fit. Add others which might suggest what her problem or situation is at this moment.

4. Write just the first page of your story. Rather than plan what you’ll say, let it unfold: just keep writing.

Creating Money

Sunday 7Jan07 7:23pm

I pulled out the book Creating Money (by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer) to read after I gave it to a friend for Christmas. I’ve never worked through the whole book. Every time I’ve used it has been when I was looking for a job and some how would get a job before I’d make it through to chapter 5.

This time around I’d like to work through it to see what surprises come out of it. I’m reading about a chapter a week, writing up notes and ideas and stuff.

“Your intent to have something directs your energy and focuses it on your goals. You create what you are picturing by concentrating on it with attention and awareness, and keeping it in the back of your mind even when you are involved in other activities. When you hold a steady focus on having something, your intent to have it is clear and strong, and you create what you seek more rapidly. You are alert and able to take advantage of opportunities when they come. You draw things to you with ease and joy. Think of something you want right now. Do you inted to have it? Do you think about it even when you are doing other activities?”

That quote brought me back to my good writing days when I had that single minded focus before I started worrying about paying the rent and the bills and such. In those days I would literally do my work at my job and focus on a character thinking about her qualities and the situation she was in. I used to write a short story a week. I’d spend the first day or so thinking about what I wanted to write about. Decide on the character that would most fit the situation. I’d think about it all and then when I felt a click like everything had fallen in to place I’d sit down and write the short story from beginning to end.

I’d forgotten about that. I forgot that I had more of an organized way to write. Of course I can’t totally do that with a novel and sit down and write it in one sitting but i could write a chapter in one to two sittings.
I’ve been doing an hour long freeflow each night and through it I’ve had more ideas for the mother’s point of view in the novel I’m working on. Rachel’s first chapter will start off with her losing the money. She’s been plopped into the fire and that’s an impossible situation. So this week I’ll think about Rachel in the fire and then when I click, I’ll write her through it.

SW

White Wishes

Writertopia.com

The Weather

Friday 5:20am 5Jan07

My other blog is inaccessible this morning. sigh! It’s been happening a lot again.

I haven’t said much about the weather and how unseasonably warm it’s been. I still dress like it’s winter prepared at any moment for some big snowstorm that has yet to happen. It’s funny because there used to be a time when I’d be praying every year for a mild winter but now I know better.

With no good cold weather the yield for frozen grapes to make ice wine is non existent. With no good cold weather hibernating animals come out of hibernation way early. Plus the beauty of a cold winter usually guarantees a hot summer. The summer months are so short I want some kind of guarantee. I want it to be hot. It’s such a long time for summer to come around again if I have to live through a cold one.

It’s not like there’s a complaint department when it comes to the weather. “Um hi, Mother Nature? It’s Silent Warrior and I was wondering if any one else has complained about this winter. It’s just that summer’s so short and if it’s going to be a cold summer because it was a mild winter, well, I’m just saying, I’d rather have a cold winter. Can’t we get back to the distinct four seasons like back in the good old days?”

Nope, nobody to complain to that could make an impact or change things.

SW